- Debussy-Clair de Lune (Extended) 58:08
On the Way of Love
What a beautiful thing to love someone and being deeply loved by someone. There are no words that can clearly explain such a connection. Every time you see her, you catch your breath first and you just know it. You feel it. Deep down you know that this is special. You feel safe and comfortable. It always brings a smile to your face and gives you joy, strength, and courage on every occasion and in everything you do. It seems right, familiar and so clear than anything in your life. The beauty of love is so real that reminds you to be alive and hopeful and leaves you appreciative. The best proof of love is to feel it. You look each other in the eye and go deeply into the soul. You feel at home and you are more than welcome.
I remember the dance class I went every Monday evening last year out of love for a girl. With this girl, dance became a fascinating thing. However, it never interested me before. After we had broken up, I stopped going to this dance class. It is good that I can better dance now, but without her, it is not fascinating anymore. Sometimes I think about this girl, how she laughed at me when I made a wrong move or how I felt when I put my hand on her back and hold her hand. I really miss this dance class. Now I cannot believe how I was so enthusiastic about dancing that time. While we were dancing, I was excited and felt myself kind of special. It was like a romantic movie scene that we danced in a wonderful harmony. Actually, I was pretty bad at dancing and still I am. There was no harmony in our dancing, but there was so intimate feeling that warms our hearts. Everyone can be a dancer at a touch of love.
I am looking for the right person for me. I have been through some relationships and sometimes love may seem dreamy and unrealistic. All the life circumstances, such as security, need for companionship, timing, may affect my relationship choices. Sometimes even if I know that I don’t love her, I cannot leave and start again easily. Then I begin to forget my dreams, living or myself. However, I think I am lucky to have a long-time companion. I am not alone anymore as long as I examine, hurt and change myself.
I remember times I felt really weak. I was abandoned and broken. I lost my way many times and I still feel like I don’t know anything about love. However, I always want it so badly. It is a supreme irony looking for something intense and significant without being ready and open for depth. Most of the time it was not all about finding the right person to love, it was about finding myself. After all, I learned that I need to be brave enough to go to deep into my soul and run up against my unsolved problems so that I know and love myself.
I don’t want to worry about love anymore. One day I know I will find her. I am telling myself “Be brave and love again, again and again even if you are broken and abandoned each time.” I am telling myself “Be brave and leave if you are stuck with someone you don’t love.” They are just chapters in my life. All of them are precious experiences that I need. It doesn’t matter if they are good or bad. I just move on and nourish myself. I don’t be scared or lose hope. I open my heart and trust to my feelings.
All images © Dadu Shin