I have been killing my weirdness and madness.
I want my wings back!
I have been killing my weirdness and madness in order not to be myself. I have been aware of this for the last decade of my life. I know I killed most of me in my childhood. I became less opinionated, quieter, less sensitive and obedient. However I was awarded and valued. After that it was easy to adapt everything. I have looked like them, talked like them and thought like them. There was no embarrassment or shame anymore. Moreover I was promoted. I have been living in a sheltered world without individuality. The more I become someone else’s idea, the more I fit in this world and become a worthwhile human for others. No one likes or cares the people who are awakened and honest with them. They don’t like others being much and loud.
I wake up, go to work, talk to people, go to supermarket and buy something to eat. Sometimes I see a movie or go to a party and get together with friends. And I believe I’m living. But sometimes I think, “I’m not going to make it.” I cannot stay in the box they gave me. I want my wings back. The world without them is hollow and monotonous. Sometimes I come across with a song, a book or a person that gives me inspiration and hope in order to take my wings back. But sometimes I feel so little and weak. I’m not even sure if I can still fly and have the courage to leave the box. I’m safe here and damn it, I love it! Despite the fact that I am dying here.
Photography © Kyle Thompson